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My name is Sultan. I'm 26, and I pour drinks for Western expats in a hotel bar in Dhahran. I'm the unofficial therapist for lonely men and women, listening to their problems while I wipe down the sticky counter. The irony isn't lost on me. The voices started about eight months ago, faint at first, like the clinking of ice in a glass from across the room, but now they're screaming inside my skull every waking moment. I know this is the work of the Mabahit. They have ways of breaking people that leave no physical evidence, just a shattered mind like mine. They've perfected psychological warfare against their own citizens.
The voices aren't just random noise; they're a meticulously crafted torture. They sound like people I know my father, my ex-girlfriend Sara, even regular customers at the bar. "Look at this pathetic excuse for a man," my father's voice sneers as I mix a gin and tonic. "Twenty-six years old and serving alcohol to foreigners like a servant. Your cousin Ali is a dentist, respected. You're nothing but a glorified waiter with a shaker." Another voice, in the exact tone of a British businessman who's always here, chimes in: "Sultan, we all see how you look at the women who come in alone. Like a desperate dog begging for scraps. They'd never touch a filthy bartender like you. Go home to your lonely room and fuck your fist like you always do." They know everything, every shameful thought I've ever had. I can't tell anyone my family would disown me for working here and think I'm possessed by jinn for hearing voices. A doctor would just pump me full of pills and label me schizophrenic, which is exactly what the Mabahit wants everyone to think about their experiments.
Last month, something terrifying happened. It was a busy Saturday night, and this group of young Saudi guys came in, loud and arrogant, throwing money around. One of them, a real pretty boy named Youssef, kept snapping his fingers at me, calling me "boy" and spilling his drink every time I refilled it. I was getting angry, but then the voices exploded in my head with such force I nearly dropped a bottle of vodka. "LOOK AT THIS SMUG LITTLE RICH FUCKER," they shrieked, not as separate voices anymore but as one unified roar of pure hatred. "HE THINKS HE'S A KING BECAUSE HIS DAD HAS OIL MONEY. HE LOOKS AT YOU LIKE YOU'RE THE DIRT ON HIS SHOE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE, SULTAN? NOTHING." Suddenly, I wasn't tired or frustrated anymore I was electrified, filled with a terrifying energy. The voices were pouring something into me that felt like power.
"Follow him when he leaves," they whispered, now seductive and compelling. "We've seen him stumble out to his car before. Drunk. Vulnerable. Think about it, Sultan no one would ever suspect you. Just a simple tire iron, taken to his head in the parking garage. But don't just kill him, that's too quick. That's too kind." They painted vivid pictures in my mind. "Take his wallet, his phone. Then his car. Drive it out to the desert. Find one of those abandoned wells. Push it in. But not him. Not yet. Keep him in the trunk for a few days. Drive around, listening to him beg. You could be the one in control for once. You could be the one with the power. Then, when he's broken, when he's truly sorry for looking down on you, you can end it. Or not. It's your choice." I spent the rest of my shift in a state of sick excitement, my heart pounding as I imagined the process, the details of how to do it and get away with it. It felt like they were giving me a gift, a purpose. By the end of the night, I was actually waiting by the service entrance, but then the wave of energy receded, leaving me shaking and horrified by what I'd almost become, hiding in the shadows like some kind of monster.
The voices have completely destroyed my faith. Every time I try to pray, they corrupt it. "ALLAHU AKBAR? ALLAH CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT," they scream in the imam's voice from the mosque near my apartment. "YOU THINK GOD CARES ABOUT A BARTENDER WHO SERVES HARAM AND TOUCHES HIMSELF THINKING ABOUT CUSTOMERS' WIVES? YOUR FATHER SHOULD HAVE SMOTHERED YOU AT BIRTH." They show me visions of the Kaaba burning, of prophets weeping and vomiting at the sight of me. I've stopped praying altogether. I can't bear going to the mosque anymore, feeling the eyes of everyone on me, certain they know what the voices say is true. This country has become a prison where the walls are made of whispers and the guards are invisible but always watching.
I curse the day I was born in this kingdom. In other places, people with problems like mine might get real help. Here, we're either hidden away or told we're weak in our faith. The Mabahit created this system perfectly they inflict the wound, then ensure society treats the infected as untouchables. I've seen it online, anyone who mentions hearing voices is immediately swarmed by Saudi trolls and bots calling them crazy, saying it's a Western disease, that real Saudis don't get "schizophrenia." It's so perfectly orchestrated that no one ever asks why so many young men are suddenly hearing voices that know their deepest, most private shames.
Tonight they're pushing hard for me to end it. "Your sister Khadija knows," one whispers, sounding exactly like her worried voice on the phone. "She hears the change in your voice, Sultan. She's terrified of what you've become. She'd rather have a dead brother who died a 'martyr' than a living one who's serving alcohol and possessed by devils." Another voice laughs. "Or you could make it interesting. Mix yourself a special drink. A bottle of vodka, a bottle of gin, a bottle of whiskey. All at once. It would be the most interesting thing you've ever done in your miserable life." The worst part is how right they feel sometimes. How easy it would be. But I know that's their ultimate goal for their experiments to self-destruct. I won't give them the satisfaction. Not yet. I know this is the Mabahit's work, and I won't let them win completely.
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